Chocolate Fish (pronounced fush)

I’m writing about something mundane as an antidote to the massive energies that are buffeting me right now.

I  had to go to bed and sleep for 30 mins today…I was fine one minute, the next minute,  I could not keep my body upright.

Earlier I was out putting washing on the line ….the winds were swirling and twirling and there was so much sound….of movement.  Everything is on the move and I can hear the sound of that gathering movement.

For a few days now, maybe longer, I have hardly been able to concentrate on any one thing.  I have been unsettled, not in an uncomfortable way though.  Before that I was unhinged with searing heat burning through me.   It was a fevour  – not like fever or anything physical.

This is the not mundane bit I was going to tell you about.

I’m going to talk about birds…cos they keep entertaining me.

Two examples.

On the day after my birthday….I stayed with my friend at Paihia for the night of my birthday.  Well… the next morning we went to a gorgeous cafe that borders the Waitangi Treaty Grounds.  The treaty grounds are a big deal in our history. The way the story is told can differ according to your political persuasion, colour, age.  So I can’t give you a quick lesson of this historical marker because it would take all day and you’d be none the wiser.

Get to the birds eh….

So we sit outside at the cafe… looks on to the cutest wetland cafe- crafted environment.  Somehow they’ve managed to employ a duck to sit on a stone jutting out of the rock pool, a pukeko to stomp around on some reeds and an eel to lounge about in a nice bit of water near the duck.

I order yummy coffee for us and go out to the car to get a cardigan cos it’s a bit cold.

I come back and my friend is munching on something.  I think…what is this…there should be no munching going on.  I only bought coffee.

So she tells the story that the coffee came with a complimentary chocolate fish, fush to proper Kiwis,….but I don’t have one ……..cos a sparrow swooped down and flew away with mine.

I think….she’s a guts…she’s eaten mine as well as her own. As you would!!

But no, according to everyone, according to all the eye witnesses who saw the crime being committed …. a sparrow actually did fly off with my nice bit of  fush.

This sparrow….it came back a little while later.  It was a podgy bird with chocolate still on its peck.

After this we went for a little walk past the Stone Store the oldest stone store in the country – no matter what colour, age, political persuasion you are.  Some facts don’t change.

We walk over the foot bridge and stop.  A rooster crows its head off maybe 100 metres away.  Then it turns and sees us.  It gathers itself together and streaks towards us.

It screeches to a halt right next to us and continues crowing its lungs out. The only reason we finally don’t hear it any more is because we walk back the way we came and leave him out of sight.

What was that about?

What is this post about?

well…it’s just to say, too much big stuff is happening around me – and to me – and I feel most happy right now just  concentrating  on quirky little things.

Today I like quirky.

Also….today I am photographing the leggings for the next post. One of my dear friends has commented a few posts back that this may not be a good idea.

That only makes me want to do it more!!

I think I’m going with the lime green leggings for the picture.  Hehehehe

Om Tara

The adventure I said I’d tell you about….so much happened on the adventure that  I need a big rest before I can gather all the strands together.  At the moment ‘it’  looks like a big jumble of brightly coloured balls of wool.  I have to spend an afternoon in the winter sun teasing the strands  apart before I can form sets of coherent sentences.  That will be a nice way to spend a Sunday afternoon…which is tomorrow.

The energy downloads I am getting at the moment…oooohhh, it’s exciting but afterwards  I just need to rest.  I have never experienced downloads like it…they are body downloads, my body jerks with the incoming energy, sometimes I do a little groan.  It doesn’t hurt, it’s quite pleasant.

The downloads are coming with colours.  The need to wear specific colours.  Those colours are turquoise, bright bright orange, a grape colour and lime green.  Yesterday I bought these colours in, would you believe it, leggings.

I intend to show you how fantastic turquoise leggings look on  a 54 year old. Hehehehe

Cos you see, I turned 54 yesterday….but, as I told my friend….I started counting backwards I turned 50.  So I am, in fact,  45.  I did want to start counting backwards in threes but  Wendy said “God no, I’ll have to look after you as a preschooler soon if you do that!”

My friend from the Judy Satori retreat last year, the one who is house sitting at Paihia…she gave me a beautiful lapis lazuli  pendant and a  ruru (owl) candle holder.  When the candle is lit in its  container, ruru lights up out of the frosted glass and glows in the dark.  He’s so cute.

Plus she gave me divine fudge from Get Fudged in Kerikeri.  Strawberries and Cream – a little bit and ‘often’. Well, once a year ‘often’.

Back to the energy…the important bit.  I have to tell you about the bit that permeates everything right now -the energy that I’m working with.

It’s all about  the divine feminine and the divine masculine -bringing the balance of these energies into myself and into specific landmarks in the environment I live near.  My friend is partnering me in this ‘work’…as if it’s work.  It’s all fun.

…she  gave me a card.  It has a sunflower with its hands on its hip on the front. She  said that’s because I told her last week ” if something’s not fun, I’m not doing it.”  This is what the sunflower looks like its saying…”this better be fun….otherwise I’m not doing it.”

Anyway…there’s a specific sound that  I am now working with. It is Om Tara.  It resounds through the land right now.  I feel its call….sort of like whales singing the songs of creation in the oceans.  And the dolphins…don’t want to leave them out.

Om Tara is all about singing songs of new creation and the New Earth  into ourselves and the land.

It’s really beautiful.




Imagining Bliss

This is the last post on the subject of religion.

For now anyway…

Yesterday and the day before … I was ‘all unhinged’ because so many feelings about religion surged, yep, they surged in waves through me.

I felt like I even had a touch of religious fervour. Heat, searing, burning off. That energy I’ve seen in the eyes of those evangelical Bible bashers on the tele….they hit the screens at 5 am here and it’s all Pow, Wham, Kaboom, that’s the energy that I get chucked my way.  Fireworks…more like a war going on.

I really have to duck for cover…on my way to turning them off.

So I got a bit of that energy yesterday and I can see it could be addictive…fortunately I do not have an addictive personality.

It’s icky though…there is no substance to that feeling.  It’s all emotional capturing of the mind. A dragging in feeling.  A whirlpool even.

But guess what happened today…

I woke up feeling like ‘completely hinged’. I was wandering around do things (housework) and chirping away…I felt soooo happy…. there almost should be a law against feeling that happy.

It was like, what is this feeling?  The answer was oh, this is happiness bordering on bliss.  How do you like it??

So I was washing dishes and singing  and in the middle of a major chirp… suddenly this vehicle with a ladder comes into the drive and  I think yay, it’s the guys coming to put in the insulation.

So I go out to meet them and a bloke comes onto the deck wearing  a nice suit and a particular smile and carrying a  magazine.

You know who don’t you.

Yep, Jehovah Witnesses. Didn’t I just  two posts ago, go on and on about the JWs .  The last one that called  got me so annoyed I swore at him.

So this bloke says…. just calling in to talk about …blah blah blah.  He was nice..I didn’t mind him at all.  I said something like, why do you guys always concentrate on the doom and gloom, why can’t you be happy to be here right now.

I know, boring question. Why ask.

Anyway…the bloke tried to say something convincing and then…this other bloke jumps out of the truck and comes bouncing over.

He says…remember me, I painted your kitchen last year.

I did!!  He was the funniest guy…made me laugh really hard.  He was quirky and intelligent and so open to the world. I didn’t know he was a Jehovah Witness.

So right then …from then on we had a great talk.  I mean, it was still them being doom and gloom and ‘the better future that we’re all going to have in Heaven” and I was all….happy happy joy joy right now.

But it was fun…they left with me saying, wonderful to see you.

See…I’m coming along nicely.   Moving towards we are all One… like John Lennon Imagined.

Then I went to  in Kaitaia The town used to look dull and unattractive with rubbish around the streets…..well it looks  just lovely.  For a while now I’ve thought, what a sweet little town.  So  I spent the shopping hour  blissed out, so happy to be here right now.

And now the sun is shining and it feels like spring even though the calendar says it’s still winter..

See you tomorrow…I’m going on an adventure and will tell you all about it.

The penultimate post

…back to religion.

This is the second to last post on the subject.

The penultimate post.

After I finished that last entry, a second after I clicked  ‘publish’, Katherine Ryan on Radio New Zealand National  said…and he’s here to talk about why religion is so polarising.

Amazing, there I was, all polarised by religion and the radio speaks the same words I’m feelings.


Once I worked with a bloke who was a um, something born again…what do they call them, is it evangelicals?

He was talking about The Rapture which he was predicting was due to  happen quite soon. He asked if I wanted to get the low down on being beamed up so I could be raptured too.

I said  not really, I’m not religious.

He said, …but how do you know the difference between right and wrong then?

I thought, really?  Are you saying if you didn’t have the big stick of religion hanging over you, you’d be off raping and pillaging and generally having a good time?

I also thought…he doesn’t want to take responsibility for his own actions.  He wants someone or something else to  do it all for him.

Responsibility – it’s a beautiful word.  Response Ability.  The ability to respond.

It’s how I get to be creative in my life, it’s how I choose my reality.

The ability to respond in a fully conscious state.  Heart centred, joyful, radical even.

Radical sounds fun.

My experience with Christianity is that there’s a lot of presuming being done.

This is only my experience, I’m not making presumptions about Christians generally.

There used to be a sign stuck on the side of a state highway near where I live.  It said, Jesus died for your sins. You couldn’t care less.  He couldn’t care more.

I used to think, how do you know  whether I careless or care more. Did you ask me?  I also thought, whaddya mean sin?  I don’t fall for the sin thing.  That’s one of those fear-based concoctions that the church cooks up to keep you scared, quiet and in your place.

Apparently, basically, the flock (us blokes) are born bad and the church….well the church is …the opposite.

In the words of John Lennon’s Imagine….again.

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace…

you may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.  I hope some day you’ll join us…..and the world will live as One.






Unhinged (me not you)

A friend wrote to me yesterday….it was so interesting.

The interesting…fascinating… bit was that her email pulled up more feelings about ‘religion’ ..

I have written before about how, when I was a kid I occasionally I went to church (Catholic) with my friend.

.  …and how I’d come out screaming (metaphorically) about the hypocrisy of it all… and the boredom of it all.  And how the priest looked like he was a machine, following a ritual without one ounce of joy or engagement.

It felt like sitting through a zombie convention…

So my friend in an email was eloquently explaining aspects of religion which I appreciated because she spoke from her heart  It was beautiful.

I spent the rest of the day feeling more into what religion does to me.

It’s a lie.  That’s the first thing it does to me…. the word tells me it’s a lie.  It’s a lie because religion  tells me what to think, how to think it, when to think it….and it keeps the blokes at the top of the pecking order.

Religions are based on patriarchial power and fear….man, I’ve over that stuff.

I don’t have any contact with religion except when the  Jehovah Witness come to the door.

When the last one came  I stood there while he went on and on,…droned on and on…about why he was so right about his view of the world.  Then he proved his rightness by pointing  with his chubby finger to a bit in the Bible.

When he turned up,  I was about to do something important.  Do you notice how they never ask…are you busy, do you want to talk to me?

They don’t care about me at all…they care about banging on about their unhealthy obsession with a script they’ve been taught to recite.

The last one that came…I swore at.  Then I told him I wanted to get off his ‘list’ for house calls.

You know you can’t do that.  They don’t do delete, delete, delete.  They just turn up again in a few months time following the same script that made me swear at them last time.

And…and…and….they always say, when they come bouncing up the path…they always say…isn’t the world in a terrible predicament!!  It’s always Armageddon, their headlines news is always Armageddon.

Theirs is all about capturing your attention through fear.  Scare you out of your wits is the way they reckon they can win you over.

Armageddon…I’m a getting out of here.




That last post about vulnerability and resilience.  It’s not the way I wanted it to come out.  Some time soon I will try again.

One thing I learnt from writing that last post was that resilience, when you break it down, is  based in fear of the present situation and that projects into fear of the past and future.  Wow….it’s so fearful.

Vulnerability isn’t based in fear at all.  The basis of the ability to vulner (yep, I just made up a word out of a word) is openness to what’s happening right now.  There’s not an ounce  fear in it.

I only need resilience if I see the world as ‘doing stuff to me’ – in conflict with me.  If I lived in the world  from vulnerability it would be me doing stuff to me – creating my reality.

Ah, vulnerability is all inside me stuff.  Resilience is all outside me stuff.

I just heard someone reading this sigh.  It was a ‘bored now’ sigh.

Hehehehe….create your reality….be vulnerable….go to another blog that makes your heart sing.

More hehehehe, you don’t have to be resilient and keep smiling to the end of this post even though your bored with it and are toughing it out to the end of the page.

Just leave….don’t put up with that.

See how vulnerability works…cool eh.

ooops,. you’ve all gone.

Hey guys….hellllo??   Is anybody there………….???

Oh, ok then.

PS- acknowledgement  to Veronica Torres – Eloheim channel from Sonoma California who is so elegantly working vulnerability in her weekly meetings.



Resilience and Vulnerability

It’s the middle of the night…again.   Usually it’s the full moon that gets me up .  This month for the first time ever, it’s the new moon that has me awake and ‘jiving…  I’m jiving to some cool black dude on the radio. ..he’s singing….”she’s been gone 24 hours and that’s 23 hours too long.”  Sweet. 

What do you reckon about the word resilience?  This word freaks me out.

It didn’t used to.

It does now.

Here’s the thing about resilience.  It says, yep I’m being  beaten up (in one way or another) but it’s ok ‘cos I can take it.

I’ll bounce back.

It’s a way to defend myself when I get hurt.

It’s a defence mechanism.

In the midst of ‘shit happens’….and keeps happening…I keep smiling.


Am I allowed to do it the easy way?

The easy way is the way I’m learning to ‘work it’ now.

Instead of resilience…. vulnerability.

I said to a friend a few days ago….after we had experienced moments of 5D perception while walking on a beach….”who knew that resilience was bound up in trying to cope in the moment and vulnerability was the ability to  fully experience the moment.

Vulnerability – it allows me to  fully experience the moment…. fully experiencing the moment means all the possibilities present themselves.  That’s what I get with vulnerability. The openness of it. That 360 degree view.

Resilience…all it does to make me fight my way out. Defend myself.

The other thing about being resilience is that aspect of  always waiting to be hurt or screwed over again.

I used to think vulnerability meant showing weakness which others could then take advantage of.  Hehehehe – that’s probably why I needed resilience….to cope with that.

Crikey…what a dopey closed circle of thought that is.




Love All (wink to the tennis)

I  was thinking about the act of blogging last night.

I was thinking specifically about  how blogging was like writing in a diary (I nearly wrote ‘dairy’…. as in left my diary outside the dairy… nek minnit).

Anyway…I thought how funny it was that when I used to write in a diary in  the ‘olden days’  I absolutely didn’t want anyone else to read it. The main purpose of it was not share those words about my inner most hopes and dreams and moments of upset.  It was a book stamped no entry on the cover.

And now I write this diary…this blog… and when I look on the statistics for the day I see people from Mexico and South Korea and Finland and Singapore have opened my diary…

I don’t mean…yay…people know who I am ..look at me, look at me, look at me!!  I mean, for start,  in the  days of dairy writing  it was about privacy, not sharing …and the root of it was being fearful to show others who I was.  To show my vulnerability.

Now  this new form of diary writing is the exact opposite.  I have discovered the truth of vulnerability, the courage of that….yes…that state of grace. The openness and expansion that exists there.

And then  freedom to theoretically state that expansion and truth to the world….and not have great fear about doing that.

It’s a really beautiful thing.

It is also a moment of clarity.

Every time I write a blog post I clarify parts of myself to myself…and move further towards the whole of me.

And I really do feel the energetic imprint of those who come to the blog.  Like, the interconnectness of it all.

Beautiful…it feels beautiful.

And it continues to inform me that we are all One..

I am learning about the whole of me every moment….it moves me closer to knowing I am You and You are Me.



New Zealish (part two)

Last year, just before Christmas I was listening to public radio.

They were talking about the rise and rise of a phrase that began six months earlier.  Apparently everyone was saying it.

…and ‘nek minni’t I was saying it too.  I hadn’t heard of this internet meme before.  I listen to public radio…I’m a bit out of the loop when it comes to  youtube sensations sweeping the land.

Levi Hawkin from Dunedin made a 10 minute (minnit) video mid-year and uploaded it to youtube.  The video showed him leaving his scooter outside a dairy (milkbar)….nek minnit….he comes out and finds the scooter damaged.

He says….left my scooter outside the dairy….nek minnit….

On this public radio interview with Levi, he said that the phrase came from Kaitaia.  Kaitaia is where I live so I really got into the swing of things when I heard that.

I have to say, a person can really mangle the term… Don’t just think you can use it without coaching.   You really have to take lessons…if you don’t come from Kaitaia that is…to get the tone and swirl and timing of the vowels right.  Without that understanding …it loses all its flavour.

There were heaps of parodies spawned by nek minnit.  A funny one was a take off of the local version of 60 minutes, hosted by Mike McRoberts.   It became 60 Nek Minnits hosted by Mike McMinnits.

A supermarket changed its labelling for minute steak to nek minnit steak.

Yep…nek minnit… everyone was in on the act…

I asked my friend Wendy, afther learning about this wonderful new phrase…how come you never told me about this?

She said she’d only discovered it about the same time as me.  When she tried to use it around her 20 year old daughter,  her daughter said told her to “stop it Mum!!” because no-one she knew had said it  for months …nek minnit’s longevity was actually a minute.

Nek miniit did some accolades.  It was the 6th most searched term in NZ on internet search engines.  It was the runner up in the 2011 Word of the Year poll by website Public Address website…never mind that it wasn’t a word…we didn’t care.

The top word in the poll was ‘munted’….mostly in reference to Christchurch’s munted buildings post-earthquake(s).

There was another funny video of Levi cooking two minute noodles…he says….nek minnit …then decides to cook them for another minute.

Nek minnit means the amount of time it takes to go into the dairy and come out again to find your scooter damaged.

Or the amount of time it takes to go from a nice fine day to a really cold afternoon with hail on the ground.

The picture in Part One of New Zealish was a nek minnit moment.  Thelma and I were up on Denniston, having a cup of coffee and planning to go out afterwards to read the great info boards across the carpark.

Nek minnit….